Pimp My Courtyard

This is my rubric marked by my classmate Marvin. The red writing is the paragraph that Marvin marked on the rubric. This is also my persuasive writing about why our courtyard needs a makeover. Click on the rubric to get a closer view.

Outside Room 17 we have a courtyard which hardly anyone plays in. There are many reasons for this. First of all it looks ugly , too many people get crammed on the hard court with crowded conditions, and we don’t have space to just relax and sit down. So room 17 has surveyed kids while, we have been redesigning our courtyard to make it better for kids to play with.

Unfortunately, our courtyard is extremely hideous. Which doesn't entice children to come in. There is a big muddy drain right in the middle of it. This makes people trip up over when they are running or playing. Sadly, this horrible place is also unattractive. The walls are all dirty, because annoyingly, people with grubby hands, wipe their grubby mits all over them. We think that if we give this courtyard a makeover, more people would respect this place

Whenever the fields are closed, years 6-8 have no place to play and then, we get bored. When we get bored, we get frustrated because we have nothing to do, then cannot concentrate on school work. At that time, we have no place to play. These reasons being, is that all our other play areas are fulled with children and, again we have no place to play. This makeover will invite them in for more children to play.

Finally, like I said in that other paragraph, the hard courts and our play areas get crowded. People like us need more place to play in, or else we cannot work properly in class. Also little children get knocked over by the big kids with their sports gear, and like you said, our children need to be safe.

So don’t you think that we need a makeover so our children can be safe and we can work better in class? I DO.